When Circles USA declares “We’re building community to end poverty and bringing people together across lines of difference,” this is what we mean: Circles works to create the conditions of safety for people with differing perspectives and ideas to be in community together. In doing so, we can begin to experience the deep sense of belonging necessary for us to come together and recognize each other’s humanity. This opens the door to a wide spectrum of perspectives and opinions; because we know that no single person, group, or idea holds all the answers—rather, we each hold a piece of the answer. Not to get too rose-colored-glasses, but we really are each a thread in the tapestry, a strand in the web, a pane in the stained glass of life.
This is why Circles focuses on community, intentional friendships, social capital, and building relationships. It’s not about what we each believe individually—it’s about what we can create together. And in this way, we’re building a society where poverty is nothing more than a story in a history book.
Let’s face it: Either/or thinking is hardwired into humanity. Our brains evolved to quickly judge and categorize as a survival skill. This ability is crucial in moments where we need to quickly assess whether we're safe or not; however there are times when a different approach is required. Letting go of this instinctive way of thinking is challenging—we’re up against societal conditioning and our own biology. It takes intentional rewiring of our brains, discomfort, and courageous, vulnerable conversations. But the reward—closer, more diverse, equitable, and thriving communities—is absolutely worth the effort.
When we bring this survival mechanism into situations that aren’t a matter of life and death, we start to perceive threats in differing ideas, perspectives, and opinions. Let me be clear—when I mention differing opinions, I’m not referring to human rights. Circles maintains our position of valuing and respecting every individual, and we are dedicated to eradicating poverty for all. People deserve dignity, respect, and the right to life simply because they are human. I think Robert Jones, Jr. said it best, “We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.”
Instead, what I’m discussing are topics like how to solve poverty in our nation, the role of government, or making healthcare accessible and affordable. These topics are nuanced and complex, yet society has historically approached them from an either/or perspective. As a result, we often forget the big picture, swing back and forth between one solution or another depending on short term leadership, and fail to make real progress in creating a society where human rights are prioritized for all.
So, what’s the alternative to either/or? Both/and thinking. Sometimes called a paradox mindset, this transformational idea is exactly what we need at this pivotal moment. Ella Miron-Spektor, a professor of Organizational Behavior and a leading paradox researcher, describes it as “embracing and managing contradictory yet interrelated demands, shifting from an "either/or" mentality to a "both/and" approach. This perspective acknowledges that competing demands are often unavoidable and interwoven, and instead of choosing between them, it encourages finding ways to balance and integrate them over time.
Adopting a paradox mindset can lead to increased creativity, adaptability, and improved problem-solving abilities, as it allows individuals and organizations to navigate complex and dynamic environments more effectively.
Let’s look at a somewhat silly example: Do marshmallows belong in hot chocolate? There’s no definitive answer. You may have a strong opinion on the matter, but at the end of the day, it is just your opinion and not a fact. There are countless reasons someone might prefer marshmallows—or not—from personal taste and cultural background to experiences, family opinions, dietary restrictions, type of marshmallows, and more. This seemingly-simple question about marshmallows is surprisingly complex, filled with a variety of ideas, opinions, beliefs, and preferences, but no clear-cut answer. I don’t bring up this lighthearted issue to minimize the major challenges we are facing today, but rather to highlight our use of both/and thinking in everyday life, and how very few things, even something as simple as marshmallows, are as black and white as they appear on the surface.
When we begin to examine more complex social issues, we notice how politics and the constant push to “pick a side” have fueled either/or thinking, when what we really need is the broader both/and mindset. If we shift back from the idea of “sides” and pay attention, we begin to notice that there are many meaningful contributions and nuanced perspectives to consider. This is because the challenging issues we face today don’t have one simple right answer. Instead, they require a variety of perspectives, ideas, and new ways of being.
Take poverty as an example. Folks with conservative leanings often support the “bootstraps” approach—believing individuals should pull themselves up and improve their own lives. People with more liberal views tend to focus on the "benefits" approach, where society takes responsibility for providing support and resources to ensure everyone has access to basic needs. So, which is right?
The answer is both/and. The bootstraps mindset offers personal autonomy, choice, and self-confidence. The benefits mindset ensures a safety net, upholds human dignity, and prioritizes equity. But both also have their pitfalls: Bootstraps on its own can perpetuate inequality and lead to individual burnout and overwhelm, while benefits alone can foster dependency, fear of scarcity, and a sense of being stuck. Neither approach, on its own, will eradicate poverty—and, in fact, either in isolation will make the issue worse over time. We see this with the shifting of political administrations over the decades.
Despite both conservative and liberal administrations in the last 50 years, no lasting, significant strides have been made toward poverty eradication. This is the pendulum swing that occurs when we rely on either/or thinking to solve complex problems.
What results from embracing the both/and is something entirely new and exponentially greater than its parts. It’s not just an inhale or exhale, but the act of breathing. It’s not marshmallows or no marshmallows, but a whole new drink altogether. Circles of Grant County calls this third way "barnraising." We also sometimes refer to it as interdependence.
In a barnraising, everyone comes together for the good of an individual because there is a deep understanding that a society’s humanity is directly correlated to its ability to support its most marginalized community members. True interdependence isn’t about relying on someone else to do all the work for you or only trusting yourself—it’s the recognition that we are all in this together, with our varied skills, limitations, and lived experiences. People are exponentially stronger in community than we are alone, and equity is what unlocks the full potential of society.
Equity ensures that everyone has access to what they need to contribute meaningfully, recognizing the unique gifts, opportunities, and resources of each person. In a barnraising, there is a place for all—whether it’s building the barn, designing the structure, caring for the children, making the food, ensuring safety, or planning the event. For this model to work, we must acknowledge that not everyone has had the same opportunities, resources, or privileges. A truly interdependent and just society makes space for these differences, not by erasing them, but by valuing each person’s contributions and ensuring they have what they need to fully participate.
In last month’s Learning Curve Chronicles, I discussed relationships as imperative and reminded us that there’s no such thing as a self-made individual. We all create society together—from the roads we drive on to the ideas we hold. Whether we like it or not, we are called to interdependence by the very nature of being human in North America. And when interdependence is rooted in equity, we move beyond survival and into true collective thriving.